im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
