We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
