Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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