WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
farters have to be the big spoon...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize