I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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