at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
