and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
