So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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