from now on my penis is your penis
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
