I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize