Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
