I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
