The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
