I think scott just propositioned me for sex
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
