I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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