He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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