why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
