Porn is love you can see.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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