your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
