well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
