fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
