Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
