i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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