Where did you get a picture of my penis
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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