Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
