I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
