i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
