I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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