I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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