i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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