Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
