so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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