I think I am morally bankrupt
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
