I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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