Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There are leaves in my underwear?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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