marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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