This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
