I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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