Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
