ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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