i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
