only if we run a train.
done.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
