You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
