Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
