i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
