My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
