So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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