dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
