wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
