You made me cry and you don't even care
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
