How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
