The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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