just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
