My liver just broke up with me...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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