yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
