I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize