Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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